Post by »Mocha« on Sept 15, 2009 20:27:25 GMT -5
O H O H S E A;; Because I just want to bask in my pride for now... longest post I've ever written in a role play... it's a reply from (yes, oh my gosh Ember) a Twilight role play. 1724 words. :3 So before you read, just a little background information. My character, Damien, is like a 329 year old vampire and he is completely messed up because of his past (changing among other things). So anyway, he tries to kill this girl, but this other vampire stops him. So now they are talking (after a long conversation of other things) about how stupid teenagers are, and then Alex (the human) says some... things. Just read on! THERE IS SOME CURSE WORDS!
Nick knew he was right, knew that Damien was telling the truth. Even so, Damien figured he saw it differently than him, that's what all the younger vampires thought, yet how old was he anyway... Damien closed his eyes a moment and sighed at Nick's scoff, resisting the great urge to roll his eyes and just tell him to fuck off. What did he know? Nothing.
Whatever happened to him as a kid, whatever made him change into a vampire... if he saw his parents die, if he was an orphan, if he had a real family, if he was a failure at life... whatever that was, he didn't know the real world. He didn't know about pain, or misery, or how this whole concept of love... how much it could hurt and tear your whole will to live away. They didn't know. How could they? They were old enough. They couldn't possibly understand.
Alex tensed, anger filtering her thoughts as she clenched her fists, frustration, annoyance, and irritated at his antics. Alex wheeled onto Damien, her fiery words sending a piercing arrow to his cold, dead heart, "Listen here boy... you may be older than me by a hell of a lot of years, but I know more about being a teenage than you will ever know! Being stupid is just what we do... and yes I may be contradicting myself, but it's just what happens! Get used to it! Because one day you're gonna realize that you can't judge teenagers or adults because you will never be them, you can only judge children." She ended with a slow pronunciation on the last word as if he were stupid.
Damien, at first was shocked, completely. It was as if body was numb, void of all emotion. Not annoyance, sadness, irritation, exasperation, confusion... not even anger shown through his expression. He was simply... well, it couldn't really be put in words. He wasn't really sure what to feel. Damien scowled in thought and dropped his hand close to his chest, as if for one last remembrance, he could feel the beat of his dead heart come alive, find some way out of hell... was it? Lost in thought, Damien moved his eyes to her own, flaring with anger.
It was like his whole perspective was being thrown around. He sat there in silence for awhile... thinking how she could be wrong... or right, eyes unblinking for endless minutes. Surely it might have freaked her out, he didn't know. His mind reeled, tracing over every path her heartfelt words seared in his mind. He was older, that was true. Damien had many years to learn things, knowledge beyond the comprehensive minds of that of a normal human being, mortals. It was true, teenagers were stupid, moronic dumb asses also.
'Being stupid is just what we do!' Repetition of her angered exclamation echoed through his thoughts, ringing his ears. So... she was contradicting herself. It did happen, yes, but again, it comes back to being stupid. Back in his day, adults were smarter than that. Teenagers never rebelled against their parents, he grew up in a time where, if you rebelled, you were whipped, or even killed. That being, Damien didn't know what it was like to be stupid. Ignorant he was, for many of his years, but he wasn't stupid, always thinking for acting. So why did the centuries change this?
The government ran much smoother than in the past, but even so, that was no reason to change the actions of humans since. Damien blankly lost his thought as his mind kept tracing back to the one thing, the only thing, that really hit him. 'You can't judge teenagers or adults because you will never be them!' But... he was a teenager... maybe not an adult, but he thought like one.... didn't he? Damien had seen much more than they did, he knew facts beyond their own knowledge.
He had seen the world change. He had been alive during World War I... World War II... Holocaust... Civil War... Cold War... Seven Years War... American and French Revolution... Napoleonic War... War of 1812... Korean War... Vietnam War... Gulf War... who could tell him that he was stupid? After all that? After all he went through? Damien scowled, anguish and anger gripping his heart like a dark, shadowed hand clasping around his body, encasing him in a shield of ice and stone.
Anguish. Anger. It wasn't his choice. He didn't chose to be a vampire. He didn't want to be a vampire. So he had enhanced senses? So he could run faster than the fastest cheetah in the world? So he could hold his breath longer than any mammal on the planet? So he could hear better than any bat that has ever flown the skies? So what if he could see, smell, hear, taste, or feel better than any living creature in the universe? So what if he could change his shape into anything he had ever wanted? So he had more power than any soul with a beating heart. So what.
None of that mattered to him. He didn't want to be able to do that. He never wished for it, never planned for it to happen. Questions soared through his mind, questions which he asked himself every fucking day of his fucking existence. Why? Why did this happen to me? I didn't plan for my life to end like this. To be some... monster, some hypocritical bastard. Why did my life end like this? Damien broke his stare and sighed, feeling the weight of the world on his shoulders. Only this time, he didn't have the strength to hold it.
Damien slowly snaked his hands through his long, light brown bangs, gripping his head as if he had a headache. Truly, he didn't, but that didn't mean it felt like it. Worse. As his hand made its way to the back of his neck, his head fell onto his knee, hiding the anguish from his audience--wishing, not for the first time, for death. His breaths were slow, uneven, as he sat there in silence for all his loss. Year after year, month after month, week after week, day after day... he had built up this wall around his heart, forcing everyone out, and from himself from coming out to.
Over the course of his life, so far, it had never bothered him once. It had never bothered Damien to know that he was always alone, had no one to ever look after him, to watch over him, to tell him what he was doing was right or wrong, no one to even tell him that he was loved. So how could he know? It was how he was raised. His eyes shut in agony, mind tracing back all the way to his first years. Not even the memory of his mother could be resurfaced. Not even a flash of anything. No mother, no father, no siblings, no house, no pets, no friends... nothing. It was all as if the first chapter of his life was torn out and thrown away, hated by the reader.
Yet... the words that so foolishly flowed out of that girl's mouth. That damned human girl. How could they reach him? Damien knew this. He knew long ago. He would never be older, never get to experience school, or a family, or a job. He was just too young... always being looked down on, always being thought less of, never taking seriously. Fuck, he didn't even know how to drive a fucking car... because.... there was no one to teach him... no one. There was a reason why he did things; why he drank human blood, why he hated werewolves so much, why he was a nomad, why he was alone... why he wanted so much, just for his fear of death to disappear.
Somehow, deep in his cracked heart, Damien knew this. He knew long ago, it would never happen. Without lifting his head, Damien quietly murmured... just barely loud enough for Alex to hear, "Out of all my years... all the long, fucking centuries I've lived... no one I have ever met has said that to me." A sad smile fitted his face, not that it could be seen, "That... has probably been... the most... moronic thing I have ever heard..." He paused, but continued, not even long enough to let a word squeeze in, "But even so... it's probably the most truthful thing anyone has ever said to me."
Damien breathed the calming breaths he had learned over the years, not that they helped. Yet, it was the best he could do. As Alex had said... he would never be able to grow up, no matter how much he wanted to. Damien cleared his throat as a habit and lifted his head, his face still well hidden by his hair. Sadness swirled in the dark depths of his vivid, red eyes. Damien went along back to the previous conversation, only it wasn't as... willed as it was before. His voice, thoughts... all seemed dead now.
"Yet... as I said with stupidity... it probably has not yet occurred to you, that I didn't become a vampire willingly... every single day... every year that passes... I look upon the world and see how it changes and how everyone passes while I just... stand by and watch, not truly living. Not a single moment goes by that I haven't thought about that exact same thing... sometimes... I just wish it was possible to end it all." Damien solemnly ended, not even realizing he was confessing his suicidal thoughts.
A tormented smile briefly flicked across his face before disappearing, letting her know, that he had solemnly given up. Damien slowly turned his head away, a neutral expression filling his face. He wasn't embarrassed, or angry... sad yes... but not angry. In the first time since his change... these words and thoughts that had passed his mind through the years... all those memories and ideas he shoved away out of fear... in the first time, they hit home.
Nick knew he was right, knew that Damien was telling the truth. Even so, Damien figured he saw it differently than him, that's what all the younger vampires thought, yet how old was he anyway... Damien closed his eyes a moment and sighed at Nick's scoff, resisting the great urge to roll his eyes and just tell him to fuck off. What did he know? Nothing.
Whatever happened to him as a kid, whatever made him change into a vampire... if he saw his parents die, if he was an orphan, if he had a real family, if he was a failure at life... whatever that was, he didn't know the real world. He didn't know about pain, or misery, or how this whole concept of love... how much it could hurt and tear your whole will to live away. They didn't know. How could they? They were old enough. They couldn't possibly understand.
Alex tensed, anger filtering her thoughts as she clenched her fists, frustration, annoyance, and irritated at his antics. Alex wheeled onto Damien, her fiery words sending a piercing arrow to his cold, dead heart, "Listen here boy... you may be older than me by a hell of a lot of years, but I know more about being a teenage than you will ever know! Being stupid is just what we do... and yes I may be contradicting myself, but it's just what happens! Get used to it! Because one day you're gonna realize that you can't judge teenagers or adults because you will never be them, you can only judge children." She ended with a slow pronunciation on the last word as if he were stupid.
Damien, at first was shocked, completely. It was as if body was numb, void of all emotion. Not annoyance, sadness, irritation, exasperation, confusion... not even anger shown through his expression. He was simply... well, it couldn't really be put in words. He wasn't really sure what to feel. Damien scowled in thought and dropped his hand close to his chest, as if for one last remembrance, he could feel the beat of his dead heart come alive, find some way out of hell... was it? Lost in thought, Damien moved his eyes to her own, flaring with anger.
It was like his whole perspective was being thrown around. He sat there in silence for awhile... thinking how she could be wrong... or right, eyes unblinking for endless minutes. Surely it might have freaked her out, he didn't know. His mind reeled, tracing over every path her heartfelt words seared in his mind. He was older, that was true. Damien had many years to learn things, knowledge beyond the comprehensive minds of that of a normal human being, mortals. It was true, teenagers were stupid, moronic dumb asses also.
'Being stupid is just what we do!' Repetition of her angered exclamation echoed through his thoughts, ringing his ears. So... she was contradicting herself. It did happen, yes, but again, it comes back to being stupid. Back in his day, adults were smarter than that. Teenagers never rebelled against their parents, he grew up in a time where, if you rebelled, you were whipped, or even killed. That being, Damien didn't know what it was like to be stupid. Ignorant he was, for many of his years, but he wasn't stupid, always thinking for acting. So why did the centuries change this?
The government ran much smoother than in the past, but even so, that was no reason to change the actions of humans since. Damien blankly lost his thought as his mind kept tracing back to the one thing, the only thing, that really hit him. 'You can't judge teenagers or adults because you will never be them!' But... he was a teenager... maybe not an adult, but he thought like one.... didn't he? Damien had seen much more than they did, he knew facts beyond their own knowledge.
He had seen the world change. He had been alive during World War I... World War II... Holocaust... Civil War... Cold War... Seven Years War... American and French Revolution... Napoleonic War... War of 1812... Korean War... Vietnam War... Gulf War... who could tell him that he was stupid? After all that? After all he went through? Damien scowled, anguish and anger gripping his heart like a dark, shadowed hand clasping around his body, encasing him in a shield of ice and stone.
Anguish. Anger. It wasn't his choice. He didn't chose to be a vampire. He didn't want to be a vampire. So he had enhanced senses? So he could run faster than the fastest cheetah in the world? So he could hold his breath longer than any mammal on the planet? So he could hear better than any bat that has ever flown the skies? So what if he could see, smell, hear, taste, or feel better than any living creature in the universe? So what if he could change his shape into anything he had ever wanted? So he had more power than any soul with a beating heart. So what.
None of that mattered to him. He didn't want to be able to do that. He never wished for it, never planned for it to happen. Questions soared through his mind, questions which he asked himself every fucking day of his fucking existence. Why? Why did this happen to me? I didn't plan for my life to end like this. To be some... monster, some hypocritical bastard. Why did my life end like this? Damien broke his stare and sighed, feeling the weight of the world on his shoulders. Only this time, he didn't have the strength to hold it.
Damien slowly snaked his hands through his long, light brown bangs, gripping his head as if he had a headache. Truly, he didn't, but that didn't mean it felt like it. Worse. As his hand made its way to the back of his neck, his head fell onto his knee, hiding the anguish from his audience--wishing, not for the first time, for death. His breaths were slow, uneven, as he sat there in silence for all his loss. Year after year, month after month, week after week, day after day... he had built up this wall around his heart, forcing everyone out, and from himself from coming out to.
Over the course of his life, so far, it had never bothered him once. It had never bothered Damien to know that he was always alone, had no one to ever look after him, to watch over him, to tell him what he was doing was right or wrong, no one to even tell him that he was loved. So how could he know? It was how he was raised. His eyes shut in agony, mind tracing back all the way to his first years. Not even the memory of his mother could be resurfaced. Not even a flash of anything. No mother, no father, no siblings, no house, no pets, no friends... nothing. It was all as if the first chapter of his life was torn out and thrown away, hated by the reader.
Yet... the words that so foolishly flowed out of that girl's mouth. That damned human girl. How could they reach him? Damien knew this. He knew long ago. He would never be older, never get to experience school, or a family, or a job. He was just too young... always being looked down on, always being thought less of, never taking seriously. Fuck, he didn't even know how to drive a fucking car... because.... there was no one to teach him... no one. There was a reason why he did things; why he drank human blood, why he hated werewolves so much, why he was a nomad, why he was alone... why he wanted so much, just for his fear of death to disappear.
Somehow, deep in his cracked heart, Damien knew this. He knew long ago, it would never happen. Without lifting his head, Damien quietly murmured... just barely loud enough for Alex to hear, "Out of all my years... all the long, fucking centuries I've lived... no one I have ever met has said that to me." A sad smile fitted his face, not that it could be seen, "That... has probably been... the most... moronic thing I have ever heard..." He paused, but continued, not even long enough to let a word squeeze in, "But even so... it's probably the most truthful thing anyone has ever said to me."
Damien breathed the calming breaths he had learned over the years, not that they helped. Yet, it was the best he could do. As Alex had said... he would never be able to grow up, no matter how much he wanted to. Damien cleared his throat as a habit and lifted his head, his face still well hidden by his hair. Sadness swirled in the dark depths of his vivid, red eyes. Damien went along back to the previous conversation, only it wasn't as... willed as it was before. His voice, thoughts... all seemed dead now.
"Yet... as I said with stupidity... it probably has not yet occurred to you, that I didn't become a vampire willingly... every single day... every year that passes... I look upon the world and see how it changes and how everyone passes while I just... stand by and watch, not truly living. Not a single moment goes by that I haven't thought about that exact same thing... sometimes... I just wish it was possible to end it all." Damien solemnly ended, not even realizing he was confessing his suicidal thoughts.
A tormented smile briefly flicked across his face before disappearing, letting her know, that he had solemnly given up. Damien slowly turned his head away, a neutral expression filling his face. He wasn't embarrassed, or angry... sad yes... but not angry. In the first time since his change... these words and thoughts that had passed his mind through the years... all those memories and ideas he shoved away out of fear... in the first time, they hit home.
