[[Dear Agony,]] Just let go of Me.. [ChixNaoki]

[.Dobie.]

I have nothing left to give.
I have found the perfect end.
You were made to make it hurt.
Disappear into the dirt.

Clash of teeth and fangs. Snarls rumbling from chests. Yelps ripped from throats. I coward against the stone, my eyes wide and panic as I watched the scene unfold in front of me, again. I had lived this moment in my nights. I knew what would happen before it did. Unable to stop from staring at the madness in front of me..

The dog I have so longed hated, the one that was supposed to be my father.. he was no father of mine. I stared in a transfixed horror as the dog launched himself onto a puppy. His own puppy, that he long ago disowned. Seven.. My brother. I watched as he was mercilessly ripped to shreds.

I listened to the pain filled yelps as his pelt was cut underneath the abusive brute's fangs. And all I did.. all I did was watch, listen, cower as my brother was beaten before me. I heard a whimper escape my own black lips as my brother was thrown into the concrete wall opposite of me.


A head shot up, my blue eyes wide and panicked. I looked around frantically before I realized once again, it was one of my nightmares of my past. I felt my heart beat a violent tattoo into my rib cage. Once I came into realization, I let my head fall down onto my paws. I listened to my frantic heartbeat begin to slow.

I climbed to my feet and shook my head, trying to clear the flashing pictures of my nightmare from my mind. Damn nightmares. Damn past. Damn Akatora for doing that to Seven. Damn everything that has caused me pain and that will cause me it. I still didn't see why I kept walking through the days, it's not like I hadn't anything better to do then dwell on my past.

Then again. I could end it. I could always kill myself. No more thoughts.. No more dreams.. No more past.. Eternal silence and Damnation. It was a comfortable thing, knowing one day I'd be free from it all. I continued to walk across the grass, my head down level with my shoulders as I glared at the grass.

Whoever said the world is great is a freaking liar. I lowered my chest to the ground and rolled my shoulders into a stretch. I gaped my jaws into a yawn as I surveyed the grounds around me. Of course, I didn't honestly figure to find a thing. Stars glittering overhead, lonely specks in a dark place. Like dogs like me inside this dark world. The moon shining down coldly above. I let my eyes narrow onto the silver orb.

The moon. Some it gives comfort, others happiness, others mere sadness. To me, it was nothing. Just another thing to look at. Pretty, maybe.. but still useless. I drug my gaze away from it slowly before sitting down on the ground. I let my head whip around as I heard a twig break. My blue eyes searched for the source of the noise.

Carry me to heaven's arms,
Light the way and let me go.
Take the time to take my breath,
I will end where I began..

P U P P E T?! Chi
A D U I E N C E?! Naoki
M U S I C!? Dear Agony - Breaking Benjamin
W O R D S?! Five-One-Four

[Panic.Rose]

I've heard life goes on in technicolor for some, shades of gray for others. For me, everything's been sort of wavering between too bright and too bland since I escaped that dingy cage. My paws beat a steady staccato on the pavement before I took a step onto the cool grass. I broke out into a quick run, happy to run free. N one noticed an un-leashed dog in a dog park, so I was free here. I relished freedom. It was all I'd known for the entire length of my life so far, except for those moments of contained torment. The trees above me dappled my reddish coat with their star-created shade. It was cooler now, under their welcome protection, even cooler than it was under the open night sky. Ears perked as I walked along, I was suddenly vigilant. The night always made me a bit more on edge. I was small and didn't look like much of a threat. That meant some crazy predator could go after me if I wasn't careful

Not far off, a yawn sounded and I slowed my pace, creeping along the bushes, ears flat back so I wouldn't rustle any undergrowth. Sadly, my tail kept on disturbing the brush. Darn thing wouldn't uncurl. Stupid genetics...they could really mess up your intent sometimes.

Frustrated, I straightened up and walked into a clearing, shaking dead leaves off of my coat. The stars twinkled above me and I stared at them. I'd heard heaven vaugely mentioned before and I hoped and prayed Leah was up there. You never forget your first love, you know. They stay with you, and even though you enjoy the memory, it makes it so hard to find a new love, another soul as lonely as yourself.

Was I really lonely? I fit the basic definition, seeing as I had no one to be with at all. My friends lay by fireplaces at the feet of humans who loved them ,their pups and mine doing the same while I sat here in the open. I didn't envy them. Luxury had it's restrictions. They'd probably never know the feeling of running with no boundaries again, never see the sunrise and sunset in the way I do. The sun was far from rising right now. I sighed, saddened by this fact. Sunsets were a technicolor time for me, when everything in the world was as bright as they could be, almost blinding. I fewelt constricted by the blanket of darkness, even with the stars as my companions.

There was a sudden shock of realization as I noticed the female nearby me. Why hadn't I seen her? The direction I'd come from was the one she faced, and I hadn't taken the time to respect her privacy. We stood facing opposite directions, but I quickly let my eyes skim over her. Her breed indeterminable, she was larger than me, but not by much and her eyes were blue. Very pretty...but I shook the thought away. I wasn't ready for that kind of relationship yet, and I didn't even know her yet. We were just two lonely souls, plagued by insomnia and whatever else.....A shiver ran down my spine and I let out a longer sigh.

What brings someone to a place like this, where sighs were shared and the shards of happiness and nightmare mingled?

What brought me here?

((Totally gonna start doing these things))
Puppet: Naoki
Audience: Chi
Music: All Right Now-David Cook (from AI). I know it has nothing to do with this post...but it's what I'm listening to.
Word Count: 597 ((Whoo! Almost 600))
Muse: Pretty Good
Anything else?: My gosh...first post with him EVER!

[.Dobie.]

I felt my ears twitch as a male came out of some bushes. I watched lightly as he removed the dead leaves from his fur with a shake. I glanced up, following his gaze onto the dark sky above us. I looked back at him when I realized he was staring at the sky, like I was before I drifted from my thoughts.

Thoughts. That was something else that could go die. They drift in and out of your mind. Sometimes staying longer then you like. Other times, only for an instant when you want to cling to them with all you've got. They always said your head could be a prison.. I believe it. I felt myself slowly be consumed by thoughts.

I quickly pushed them away. Once my sharp instincts were back to me, I surveyed the male for the first time. Ginger.. like me, a little darker, but not by much. Curled tail, that would get annoying in my opinion. And, apparently it would have gotten on my son's as well, for he met a dog once with a tail curled. He didn't see how you could chase it if it was on your back..Bittersweet memories..The male was smaller then I, but that didn't make a difference in much.

I let my eyes narrow as the Japanese dog realized I was there. I could tell he just now realized I was there because surprise flickered in his dark brown eyes. I blinked and looked away, breaking my gaze away from his eyes. I had probably stared at them longer then necessary.

I looked up from the ground when I heard a sigh. I watched him with mild curiosity. Though why I was curious, I do not know. He was just another dog. Just one mere other dog I crossed paths with on a moonlit night.

It had, indeed, been quite some time since I ran into a dog. Week or two. I don't really know, I don't count much. I see no point in it, like many other things.

One example would be, I don't see the point in trusting humans. Foolish naive dogs. Kicked to the curb. Thrown out on the street. Beat for no reason. And they still think they're meant to be by the two-legged traitor's side.

I shook my head to clear my thoughts and let my thoughts drift back to the creature in front of me. Beautiful.. Magnificent.. Wait. What? I felt my eyes narrow at my own confused, slipped thoughts. Eventually, giving up, I pushed it away.

I was content with the silence that rippled through out the air, but many dogs seemed to find silence awkward. I uttered a soft sigh, deciding it was finally time to break the steady silence. Soft, blunt words fell into the air.

"Who are you?"

P U P P E T?! Chi
A D U I E N C E?! Naoki
M U S I C!? Dear Agony - Breaking Benjamin
W O R D S?! Four-Eight-Three

[Panic.Rose]

I'd slipped back into my head, letting my thoughts blindly take control as we stood there in silence, my muzzle pointed again towards the stars, towards the brightest one in the sky. no matter where I went, that star was there. My eternal guardian, a constant companion of sorts. Sounds kind of funny, really. A star as my best friend. I'd have to change that or else go horribly insane. I couldn't stand the thought of losing it, so i had to clear my head again, had to pull my self away from the throughts of my family, my friends, my children. No use dwelling on the past too often.

Where would hanging onto them get me? What could I gain from their memory, other than unnecassary emotional baggage and a good deal of pained longing. I didn't need that either. But what did I need? I knew that i needed a friend, a companion. I wwas tired of traveling alone, because it wasn't right. It wasn't fair. but life's not very fair, is it? Sometimes we get dealt the wrong hand, as if life's a twisted card game that only God can win.

Sometimes i think God cheats. No one is that good at cards.

The silence that had wrapped around us like the most constricting of feelings suddenly evaporated as she spoke.

"Who are you?"

That was what she'd asked me. I laughed to myself, but only for a second.

"Do you mean literally or figuratively?" I joked, a small smile attempting to light up my features. "But, to seriously answer your question....My name's Naoki.' i wouldn't give her any nick-names yet. who knew if we'd be together long enough for her to use them anyway? We both appeared to be drifters, lonely souls. "So...I'll ask the same of you. Wo are you?"

I turned so I could face her, allowing each of us to get an even better look at each other. I could plainly see her eyes, see flickerings of a story that I might one day hear. did she mny story hidden behind my smile? Was her story similair to mine? Was it better, or was it worse? Who was I to ask?"

And really....Why was I feeling like i had to care so much? After all that time spent hollowing myself out, why was I yearning to wash that all away, to start again? Could I stand the pain of losing someone again, even if the relationship was only between friends and nothing more? Then again, I really shouldn't worry about this. I have nothing to lose.

Puppet: Naoki
Audience: Chi
Music: Kings and Queens-30 seconds to Mars
Word Count: 510
Muse: Pretty Good
Anything else?: YAY!

[.Dobie.]

I pricked my ears as he laughed to himself. I wondered how my question could be amusing, but I didn't ponder on it for long. Some dogs are just messed up in the head, so you tend not to stay on a quirk they may have. Because, alas, everyone has them.

'Do you mean literally or figuratively?'

[/s]
I felt my lips twitch as if they were going to curve into a smile on their own accord. I let out a soft, half-hearted chuckle, not even bothering to cover my small piece of amusement. I let my blue eyes rove over his head, noting how the small timid smile seemed to make him a figure of innocence, but who knows if that was true or not. You couldn't judge a book by their cover.. Most of the time.. There's the occasional exception.. But there's an exception to every rule, so it doesn't matter anyways.

'But, to seriously answer your question....My name's Naoki.'
"Naoki," I repeated in a murmur to myself, letting my eyes take the brute all over again. "That's Japanese, isn't it?" I asked, louder but kept my voice still soft and quiet. I watched him as he watched me. I couldn't help but realize he looked thoughtful. I felt my curiosity arise as I wondered what could be going through the complicated brain.

'So...I'll ask the same of you. Who are you?'
I let out a small huff of amusement. "Oh, If I feel like answering, I'll nearly answer to anything. Born to the name Shattered, Went as Fallen, but you may call me Chi,"[/b] I answered. I dipped my head in greeting, now that names were out of the way I slightly anticipated what would come up as subjects.

I rocked on my paws, swaying ever so slightly. I tried to keep my expression polite and innocent. Even though innocence is not a word I'd use to describe as myself.. Though I had always been told I had an excellent poker face. I didn't stay on the train of thought of how well I played the game of life, but I did know some dogs came out rougher then others, and I probably was put in that category.

But every stray has a story behind their pretty little lies. Like the fact my old mate, Fury, hadn't even learned my past before something happened to him, whatever it was, a beautiful relationship of intertwined webs of lies. I was, indeed, slightly curious what happened. But when before I got far into my thoughts and feelings, I learned that I didn't care.

One thing for sure was, I knew I needed to do something with my life before the Heir of the Fallen truly did shed her -my- Grace. I felt my nose twitch. The Fallen Family wasn't exactly known, but were some interesting dogs. Ranging from truly insane to depressed to sharp as a tack. But in my opinion, they weren't MY family. At least, not anymore. They all split their own ways. I wouldn't be surprised if I was the only living dog of 'The Most Noble and Ancient Family of the Fallen.'

I barely contained a snort as I thought of my family. Well, they weren't exactly friendly and loving. So what's the point in acting like they were? It'd just be another lie to my collection of things I've told. And.. It is a rather large collection, if I may say.[/blockquote]

P U P P E T?! Chi
A D U I E N C E?! Naoki
M U S I C!? Dear Agony - Breaking Benjamin
W O R D S?! Six-Zero-One

[Panic.Rose]

When I look at the Stars I'd been standing on paws and legs ready to bolt when I finally realized I could relax. I had nothing to fear here, in this place.If I had nothing to lose, why had my body been acting like I did? I listened to her talk, watched her as she let my name, my identification, slip and slide around in her head.

"That's Japanese, isn't it?"

"Yeah. You know.....my parents were on this whole 'traditional names' kick when my siblings and I were born. Means like "Honest Tree" or something like that. I dunno why they picked it for me. I look nothing like a tree, nor did they known if I'd grow up to be honest or not." I shrugged, and allowed my rear half to sink down so I was in a sitting position. I wasn't going to roll over an play submissive. She and I were on equal terms in this place, on level ground. "I did grow up a pretty honest dog, I guess." Another shrug as I waited to find out who she was.

"Oh, If I feel like answering, I'll nearly answer to anything. Born to the name Shattered, Went as Fallen, but you may call me Chi."

Wow.

"There's probably quite a long story behind that one, isn't there?" I chuckled. "No worries. You don't have to tell me if you don't want to, Chi." I let the name roll around in my mouth, memorizing the way it sounded, how it felt. Nice. She rocked around on her paws, playing the innocence card. I hate to keep playing that same old card pun...but that's probably all it was: a card.

I had no doubt she wasn't some innocent angel sent to pull me from the funk I'd been wallowing in for so long. That might've been the cosmic reason to why we'd chanced upon each other.Despite that, I knew that pretty face held a lot of secrets that made her far from an angel. Well, I was far from being an angel myself. Again, we stood on level ground here.

She snorted, and I broke out of my clotted reverie. My head tilted to the side, a common gesture of confusion, of mild interest.

"What's so funny?" I asked, pausing to scratch a tiny itch just behind my right ear.

"Though it's probably none of my business to ask. Just tell me, Chi, if I'm intruding. I don't want to upset you."

I feel Like Myself

Puppet: Naoki
Audience: Chi
Music: "Don't Wake Me"-Love and Theft and they lyrics are from "Stars" by Switchfoot
Word Count: 532
Muse: Excellent
Anything else?:Wheeee.

[.Dobie.]

'Yeah. You know.....my parents were on this whole 'traditional names' kick when my siblings and I were born. Means like "Honest Tree" or something like that. I dunno why they picked it for me. I look nothing like a tree, nor did they known if I'd grow up to be honest or not. I did grow up a pretty honest dog, I guess'
I let a small chuckle escape from my throat. I watched him shrug and sit down. "Hmm.. Yes, I did believe it was along the lines of Honesty.." I answered. I watched him shrug again, as if this was something he was asked and he answered on a daily biases, then again. He could have. "I suppose you don't look like a tree, if you did I'd think I was insane, and then.. if you really are a tree, I'd be hallucinating,"

[/color] I mused lightly. I didn't bother to hide the amusement that glowed brightly in my blue eyes.

'There's probably quite a long story behind that one, isn't there? No worries. You don't have to tell me if you don't want to, Chi.'[/i]
I listened to his chuckle surround me, a soft nice sound. I pricked my ears, force of habit, when I heard my name. I felt some kind of fluttering feeling in stomach as he said it. And I hated it. It made me disgusted with myself. "Ahh. Well. I suppose, you're right. It is a rather long story. I was named Shattered by my parents, when my family.. split to their own new ways, I changed it to Fallen, after the.. Family name I suppose it'd be, and a.. incident came up that made me change Fallen to Chi,"[/b] I explained. It wasn't all of the truth, but it was general picture, and there was no lies told. My family did split up, just not on good a good tune. Dead, Suffered, Murdered, Left as a murderer. Well, at least it made freedom taste that much better.. Yeah.. Right. And an incident definitely did come up, consisting of me having pups and my family splitting up. Again. "Nahh. Not a problem. Sometimes it's nice to explain things other dogs look over, accidental or purposely."[/b]

'What's so funny?'[/i]
I blinked in surprise, almost forgetting he was there. Almost. I watched with startled eyes as he scratched an ear, er. Behind it. "Sorry, What?.. Oh. Nothing. Just musing about a few things,"[/b] I answered. Once again, Not total truth, no lies. Well, I normally did tell dogs, 'ask no questions, you'll be told no lies.'

'Though it's probably none of my business to ask. Just tell me, Chi, if I'm intruding. I don't want to upset you.'
"Yes, I suppose it is none of your business, but oddly, I don't really care,"[/b] I answered, a small smirk covering my maw. I couldn't help but like how he was thinking of how I felt about his questions, willing to leave if I even hinted of it. A lonely soul like myself trying to survive in the world. It's a dog eat dog only the strong survive. And those who know how to get out of the way, I don't see how other canines miss those..

With mild curiosity, I sat down and watched him, awaiting his replies to these things... Half explanations.[/blockquote]

P U P P E T?! Chi
A D U I E N C E?! Naoki
M U S I C!? Dear Agony - Breaking Benjamin
W O R D S?! Five-Seven-Nine

[Panic.Rose]

Hey Soul Sister "Hmm.. Yes, I did believe it was along the lines of Honesty..I suppose you don't look like a tree, if you did I'd think I was insane, and then.. if you really are a tree, I'd be hallucinating,"

"If you're hallucinating, then I want a bit of whatever you ate earlier, if it's making trees talk." I grinned cheekily. "And that, right there, was a slightly mild bit of honesty." Good Naoki. Keep cracking jokes and maybe you won't have to wander around alone for the rest of your existance. Good Boy. Good silly, lonely, lost boy. As my friends would've said "Keep up the good work, Chief. Just keep it comin'" And I would. I was happy to shed that lonely baggage and replace it with a lighter, sleeker model. I needed this new face, had been lacking even a traveling companion for so long.

So. Friggen'. LONG.

"Ahh. Well. I suppose, you're right. It is a rather long story. I was named Shattered by my parents, when my family.. split to their own new ways, I changed it to Fallen, after the.. Family name I suppose it'd be, and a.. incident came up that made me change Fallen to Chi,"

Watch. Look. Listen. You know that old song that was sung to kids to teach them how to corss the street? Well, here i was, sitting her and twisting it's meaning. Watch her speak. Look at the way she moved, her facial expressions. Listen to her words. "It seems our parents had an odd sense of humor when it came to names." I countered, looking down at the milky-pale color of my paws. "Changing your name must be a hard thing to do. You know, having to get into this whole new mindset, learning to be something else. I could never imagine doing that, and you've done it twice! That's an amazing feat!" I crowed. That was something I'd never be able to do, and she had me in awe of her. That was plain on my face.

"Nahh. Not a problem. Sometimes it's nice to explain things other dogs look over, accidental or purposely."

"Yeah, yeah. I know what you mean. You don't know how many times I've had to spill out my life story, whether I wanted to or not. Sometimes people will just get you to spill it, whether I'm willing to...you know?" I asked her a question, to seek out the reason for her drawn-out chuckle and got a startled reaction. she must've drifted off into her mind and found something funny.

"Sorry, What?.. Oh. Nothing. Just musing about a few things,"

I rolled my shoulders back in a shrug. "It's no big deal, Chi. i do it all the time myself." I wasn't mad at her. It was an easy thing to do. Slipping into your head was a way to remember, or even a way to forget. It mattered on how you rolled the dice. Let those dice roll, and see where the numbers take you, I guess. Where were we being taken?

"Yes, I suppose it is none of your business, but oddly, I don't really care,"

I let a similair smirk cross my face and let my tail wag across the ground. "Well...what if i told you that I don't care if you don't care and one day we're gonna know everything about each other because oen day we'll actually fell like we need the other one to know?" I countered. Well, that had been a mouthful......I laughed,still grinning. I don't wanna miss a single thing you do tonight

Puppet: Naoki
Audience: Chi
Music: Hey, Soul sister-Train
Word Count: 711
Muse:Good! Geez, it's good.
Anything else?: I have had that song stuck in my head and needed to use it for an inspiration![/size]

[.Dobie.]

'If you're hallucinating, then I want a bit of whatever you ate earlier, if it's making trees talk. And that, right there, was a slightly mild bit of honesty.'
I felt a chuckle slip through my throat. "Ah, Yes. I don't blame you, talking trees would be an interesting sight, but something tells me it is long gone." I felt a smile paint itself on my maw. It was nice to be able to talk to one about something that didn't mean a thing in the world, mere joking words. Yet, those mere words seemed to help many dogs a great deal.

'It seems our parents had an odd sense of humor when it came to names.'
"Hmm. You're right, they did have an odd humor with names," I said. I cocked my head to the side, thinking of the names we were given. I wondered what was going on in their mind when they named their children. Did they really expect Naoki to be honest, and me to be shattered like glass, another failure in the world? Something told me Akatora thought I'd do just that.. It seemed he was almost right. I had failed. I was broken. But not shattered... not yet. I had succeeded enough to keep myself alive, and that's an accomplishment compared to some dogs..

'Changing your name must be a hard thing to do. You know, having to get into this whole new mindset, learning to be something else. I could never imagine doing that, and you've done it twice! That's an amazing feat!'
I almost twitched with his awe-filled gaze on my pelt.. Almost, but not quite. Changing names had been part of the thing to get rid of my past. I didn't want to have to think of Akatora snarling my name every time a stranger asked me it. I didn't want to think of Fury every time a brute said my name in the same quiet voice.. I blinked, focusing on Naoki's praise. I put my smile on my maw, realizing it had slipped slightly. Even though it was forced.. maybe he wouldn't notice, maybe he would.. Meh. All well. That dice had dropped, we'll see the reactions, shall we?

I sat down, eying the grass in front of me warily. I looked back up at the ginger bloke in front of me. "Changing a name isn't that hard. You never really change who you are inside.." I trailed off slightly, continuing in my head, 'like me being a beaten, abused, broken pathetic creature..' I cleared my throat. "Anyways. It seems only one would change their name if they want to get rid of their past," I added, hinting slightly on the horrors of my past. But it wasn't only my past. No. Oh, no. It was everything. My past, my present, and it'd even be my future.

'Yeah, yeah. I know what you mean. You don't know how many times I've had to spill out my life story, whether I wanted to or not. Sometimes people will just get you to spill it, whether I'm willing to...you know?'
I listened to him explaining, rambling really. It was the bad rambling though. I wouldn't still be sitting here if I found him annoying, and annoying was the furthest thing from my mind at the moment. It felt nice to know someone understood what it was like. "Yeah, I do," I murmured the answer.

'It's no big deal, Chi. i do it all the time myself.'
I watched him shrug, amused. "Glad to hear I'm not the only one loosing my sanity," I answered very seriously. Inside, I was dieing with laughter, just curious of how he would react to my claim of us being insane.

'Well...what if i told you that I don't care if you don't care and one day we're gonna know everything about each other because one day we'll actually fell like we need the other one to know?'
I felt barks of laughter escaping me. I honestly didn't understand a word he said, but the way he said it amused me greatly. Though I did get the main outline question, there was no way I'd be able to repeat all of that. That would be me biting off more than I could chew. "I don't know," I answered. Feeling a smug smirk creep along my lips, "Are you telling me that?"

P U P P E T?! Chi
A D U I E N C E?! Naoki
M U S I C!? Dear Agony - Breaking Benjamin
W O R D S?! Seven-Six-Seven