A k/e/y/ to a .n.e.w door [.AKEli.]

[»Mocha«]

DENIED.

Looks good, but I'm seeing too many spelling and grammar errors. Please make sure to re-read your application and use spell check because spell check misses things sometimes. Next, make sure you're using past tense when needed. A border collie is full bred, not full breed. Also, try to refrain from using wolfspeak/horsespeak here. Broken is a literate forum and doesn't like improper grammar and words that are not real. Lastly, you're description of the appearance is a bit confusing. I've never seen a border collie of that type, and if you can find a picture (that is not copyrighted or that has a Creative Commons License) then I would appreciate. If it's something you simply made up, let it be known that fantasy isn't allowed here.

[xakelix]

(she actually is a Australian Shepherd)

, a k e l i

everyone calls me either Akeli^[ah-key-Le] or Ke^[k-e-y] here, and
it's pretty much out there in the open that I'm a
female dog. It's also pretty obvious that my
breed is a Australian Shepherd and I'm aged around three years. [/center]


i855.photobucket.com/albums/ab116/dawnheart33/abordercolliefromfront.png


appearance: For Akeli's coat pattern she has the Australian Shepherd pattern, hues of black, gray and tan which make up her coat. She has random black patches on her, from the top of her head to her tail. She has tan hind legs and fore paws too. Now lets move onto the facial pattern shall we? Her muzzle has a white line that fades into the hues of gray and black on the top of her head. Her nose, like almost all dogs is black. Her tongue is a soft pink with little black spots that you can only notice up close. The back of her ears are black, but the inner part of her ear is tan. She has two big spots around her light blue eyes, her right eye has a unusual brown dot. Now to her built of body. There's nothing much to say about her built of body really. She is medium sized and isn't muscular like most dogs. You can almost say that she is, vulnerable in a way. The one thing is, she has long legs, good for running fast.


personality: Now moving onto the inside of Akeli with all the feelings and emotions and hate rage and likeness. Well to begin with, she is both shy and friendly in a way. She won't go right up to you and start talking...you have to kind of grow on her. If she trusts you though, she will probably be the most friendliest dog you ever meet. She's very scared of humans for what happened to her when she was only a pup. She will cherish any dog's company and would like to have the warmth of some other dog's pelt, brushing against hers, walking side by side to the end of the road. She craves friendship and will try her best to be there for them. She hates the smell of blood and would never fight a dog unless its life or death. You might say she has a down-to-earth personality. Which leads to feelings, basically she is rather emotional at times. She is very understanding and will try to put herself in another paws to understand.

History: The past and present is what is found here in this paragraph. This will be the last you need to know about Akeli. Akeli's parents were purebred Australian Shepherd's. They were bought for what they were, of course their owners bred them and made puppies.
The male owner was a selfish, greedy man. He only wanted the finest pups of the litter. He was appalled when he saw Akeli, there was noting wrong with her at first, but he had a feeling and hated her right from the start. Maybe it was the fact that she had blue eyes? Nobody knows why he hated her, but why would anybody know?. He was going to get rid of her, but the female owner wouldn't let him.

So I got to stay, but it would have been better if the female owner did let him throw me out the first time. For the male abused me and would lock me out side in any weather, snow, thunder and lightning storms which I am horrified of, even in the blazing hot, summer sun. If I went to the bathroom on the floor, he would hit, if I barked at an animal or human, he would hit, if I ate my food to fast, he would hit, even if I whined because I was scared i was hit, everything I did was wrong. My parents knew that I was being hit, but all they said was " Try and be good." I knew it hurt them to see me be beat but what could they do? What could I do? The only answer that came to mind was to do practically nothing, but even then I got hit for just laying there not moving to eat, sleep, go, nothing but still was beat by the male owner. Finally I had had enough of being hit without doing anything, I did the thing that was the worst thing you could do, fight back. I bite the owners arm and that got me hit even harder and throw out. He threw me over the porch and left me there to die. After a couple of hours that felt like days, the male owner let my father out. When my father saw me he just looked away, he kept saying " What have you done Akeli." and would shake his head, but the thing is I did what every dog would have done. Fight back. Then I realized he though I was dead! I tried to move, but i couldn't, I just couldn't, even with all my strength couldn't. All I could do was let out a low whine. That's all I needed. My father was stunned that I was alive and hide me under the porch that I was throw from before the male owner came out to get me. My father would come out everyday and take care of me. Until one day, when I was 2 years old my father was almost whining at the look of me. I was skinny, my ribs showing, living off small tiny mice and maybe a vole once in awhile. I hadn't seen daylight in so long I had forgotten what It felt like to feel the warmth of it on your fur, my back kind of arched up from crouching. I was a mess. He said that I couldn't live under this porch forever, that I had to see the world. So I left, I didn't want to, but I had no choice. I traveled through fields, forests, cities and now, I'm traveling in this town thinking about staying.

[»Mocha«]

Looks better spelling-wise! :3 All I have to say left is to check a little bit of grammar (not asking the whole thing until it's picture perfect). Just make sure to correct your contractions and check for commas. For the contractions, all I see is that you're missing the apostrophe: dont should be don't, wouldnt should be wouldn't, cant should be can't, etc...

It's generally hard to give advice for commas. For beginners, all I can say is to put a comma whenever you pause. Try reading it out loud, and whenever you pause, put a comma. For example:

Well I didn't know that!

Try reading it out loud. If you do that, you should notice you probably pause right after well.

Well, I didn't know that!

It also might help if you imagine (don't actually change, it would be improper) if your comma was changed to an ellipses.

Well... I didn't know that!

[xakelix]

okay i fixed the it's would'nt could'nt ect...

[Zephyя !?]

approved.